one man army

one of my favorites from what i think is an underrated band, our lady peace. i chose this because i feel like i am a one man army sometimes, even though i know that to not be the case. there are plenty of people on my side, but i often feel like i'm the only one fighting on the front lines. however, i know that's also not true as there are many of my friends who have taken paths similar to mine.

there are definitely times when i'm frustrated, though. this past weekend was one of those times. we were eating at rainforest cafe - the kids love it, the parents not so much. the food is okay, but the prices can be downright ridiculous. case in point, we ordered 4 soft drinks (2 were included in the kids meal price), 2 kids meals, an appetizer of chips and queso, an appetizer size quesadillas and a side salad. it was $50.

my frustration came in when i ordered a side salad, ate less than half, and paid $7 for it. i wanted something else, but couldn't justify spending $10-15 for something i knew i couldn't finish half of.

so, i know i'm better off than before and i'm truly grateful for the opportunity i was given. but i am still getting adjusted to this and frustration is one of the many emotions i entertain on a daily basis when it comes to food.

it's like a girlfriend you know isn't good for you. the relationship is toxic and everyone around you can see it except for you. you're blinded by how pretty she is and by how good she can make you feel before she lets you down again. in the end, you have to take drastic measures to ensure your survival. that's what i've done. i didn't trust myself around food, that's the bottom line.

so here we are roughly 8 weeks later, almost 65 lbs lost and starting to get some of my long lost confidence and swagger back. i still can't eat pizza, hamburgers, pasta, most dairy products, eggs and the list goes on. but that's okay and i'm slowly figuring out what i can handle. and things will get better - it's always darkest before the light. and i know i'm not a one man army, even if i feel like it sometimes...